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The Farmer's Wife

I make a good helper.

Just before our guests arrived on New Year's Eve, I gathered my family into the kitchen and asked Ken if he'd like to lead us in preparing to be good hosts.  In doing so, I observed three things:

  1. Ken is our family's leader, not me. Sometimes, I have to remind myself of this, since I constantly give directions in his absence. It would've been very natural for me to call the kids in and remind them to use their manners, and not even involve Ken.  But as we gathered on the kitchen barstools and Ken asked us to individually consider our biggest weakness in hosting, it was exactly what we needed.  I was amazed at the transparency and open hearted prayers that followed.
  2. Ken does a better job of leading our family than I do.  I was so distracted by food prep and lighting candles and getting the dog in his cage, that my attempt at preparing our hearts to serve would've been reduced to a 30 second lecture.  Rather, I was gifted with a moment to self reflect, and pray that God would give me the desire to be hospitable, not entertain. 
  3. I make a good helper.  If I had not gathered our family, this little moment which added so much flavor and direction to the evening, might not have happened.  My job is to set my man up to lead.  I compliment him and help make him a better leader.

In 2010, I want to excel in this role that God has ‘cast' me-the supporting role of ‘helper'. 

Comments

The Farmer's Wife said:

I struggle so much with this. I'm the oldest child/daughter, married to a youngest, only son. I think most people know this, but the oldest daughter in a family is generally bossy and controlling...most of them become teachers. (Unofficial poll conducted by me...but it's crazy how many teachers are oldest child/daughters!)

My husband is more easy-going and tolerant, and (this makes me crazy, because I don't know how he does it) can see both sides equally. He's patient, for heaven's sake, and slow to anger!

And I have a hard time not taking charge of everything. This post is so gracious and spot-on! Have you always recognized that you're a good helper, or have you struggled with it?

I love that you all took some time to reflect and prepare! I love that your whole family hosted.  

# January 2, 2010 4:05 PM

Shannon said:

Farmer's Wife, Oh, how I've struggled with this!  But this is normal and to be expected-- yes, especially for firstborn girls, but also for the rest of the girls!  It started in the garden when God's enemy ignored the God-appointed moral leader and negotiated, in stead, with the helper.  He (the leader) was passive; she took control and made shipwreck of their lives.

Then God told her, after she fell, "Your desire for will be for your husband".  (Check out that same phrase in Gen. 3, with Cain.)  God was saying that Eve's (my) curse was to become like a tiger, crouching at the door, always waiting for an opportunity to pounce and manipulate or control the man in leadership.  

So you, and I, and every other woman will struggle with this till we are free of the curse.  But we don't have to give in.  So much joy and satisfaction can be found in setting our dear husbands up to lead in the home.  This is the happy life, that we all long for.  Have you found this true?  

I love you, my sister that I've not yet met!  Press on!

# January 2, 2010 5:28 PM

Life with four boys...coffee please said:

Shannon,

This post was great and stabbed me right in the heart.  thanks so much for sharing!

# January 4, 2010 8:33 AM

Shannon said:

Denise, sorry for stabbing you (ouch!) but I'm thankful that my struggle has been used for good.

# January 4, 2010 8:50 PM

TraciG said:

Excellent Shannon. I appreciate you and your husband's desire to help your children understand the importance of serving your guests. What a hard attitude to make a habit as we are so easily self-serving!

(I've been unable to post comments and thought I'd try again...)

# January 7, 2010 11:39 AM

Shannon said:

Traci, this is an ongoing challenge!  We have a Teacher Brunch in the summer with this goal in mind.  shannonpopkin.com/.../family-fun-p-40.aspx

Was your trouble posting on my site?  Let me know what you experienced, ok?  

# January 7, 2010 7:38 PM
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