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My Sister Won't Talk to my Dad

My sister and I had the strangest conversation recently.  She said to me, "If I had been the one talking to Dad this afternoon, the conversation would've been much shorter and less interesting.  I wish I could sound as good as you do when you're talking to him.  It's kind of intimidating."

I said, "What??  Do you really think Dad cares if you're more brief than I am??  He knows that we're totally different... He just wants to talk to both of us."

She said, "Yea, but I'm sort of embarrassed about what everybody might think when they hear me talking to him. It makes me want to only speak to him in private." 

I said, "You're kidding, right?  What will you say to the rest of the family-- 'I'm going to wait and talk to Dad after you guys have all left.'??"

She said, "Well, it's easy for you.  You always know how to say things.  And plus, you're four years older.  So that's four more years that you've been talking to Dad."   At this point I almost laughed. 

I'm trying to be understanding of my sister.  I really do appreciate that she wants to be respectful of Dad.  After all, he is the King of the Universe and Creator of all.  But he's also our Father!  It seems silly that she stays silent during family prayer conversations.  There's nothing to be intimidated about.  We're family.  He's our Father.  She's my sister.  (If you're a Christian, she's your sister, too.)

Comments

The Farmer's Wife said:

I've been pondering this all day. Fear keeps us from authenticity keeps us from intimacy keeps us from possible embarrassment....and so on.  

I don't have a fear of embarrassment, so I don't really have a fear of intimacy with other believers. It's easy for me to be self-depracating and relieve that.  But one of my friends has a very fragile shell, around her dignity, and she will remove herself from situations where she might appear shaky or less than perfect.  

But here's the interesting thing, at least to me: when others are praying, I only half-hear what they are praying.  It's a time that I'm also communicating with God.  We are agreeing in the Holy Spirit, but I don't hear their every word or tone, because I'm also praying along, too.  I don't know if everyone is that way, and I don't know if that's even good, but perhaps it would take some pressure off.  

Families are weird, aren't they? Even the family of God.  And I guess that's what makes them so dear, so interesting, so exasperating, so essential.  

# August 5, 2009 7:14 PM

TraciG said:

I am usually the one who gets the group together, so praying aloud is part of that role... I was a little intimidated this summer when we started our ladies study with LOTS of ladies, some of whom I knew, and some I did not. But I try to use the pattern of the Lord's prayer, to at lest keep me on track and give me some semblance of order in my thoughts.

Something like that may help, a form to guide her.

But I truly feel some of it is a pride issue (don't want anyone to see the real parts of me that are less than perfect) and some of it is a practice issue... the more I've prayed aloud with others, the more I'm comfortable with it.

Bu the way, good stuff all summer... I have been trying to read all the way through, but haven't had a lot of time to sit, compose my thoughts and comment. Keep it coming!

# August 6, 2009 6:42 AM

Shannon said:

Farmer's Wife and Traci,

Thanks for your sweet, heartfelt comments.  I don't at all intend for the message of this post to be, "Buck up, Sister!"  But maybe to tug at some shyness, and invite intimacy.  (I might add that note to the post).

For those fragile-shelled sisters:  Our Father is not the sort to crack and smash his way through, and neither should we.  But a coaxing out may be in order sometimes, don't you think?

I love the idea of only half-listening...  attentive to the father, but joining with our brothers and sisters to come before him!  I think that is very good.  

Have you read the book, "When People are Big, and God is Small"?  I'm half way through and really enjoying it.

# August 6, 2009 7:34 AM

TraciG said:

Shannon...I was in a small group several years ago that used that book as a study! It is excellent and it's still on my shelf... probably need to read it again!

I was also thinking that I know people who are also hesitant to pray aloud in front of others, and I just usually move right over them to someone who doesn't mind. Just because they aren't praying aloud, doesn't mean they aren't intimate, they just like to be quiet about it.

We did a lot of praying aloud together as a family, and sometimes not praying aloud wasn't even an option. I remember how uncomfortable that felt, like it was expected of me, even if I wasn't comfortable with the subject on the table. I'm sorry if that sounded harsh... I guess I was talking more about myself, because pride can be a big time stumbling block for me personally.

I too wish there was a way to kind of invite and encourage them to the sweet sharing that praying aloud as a "family" can become. I know with my husband and I, praying aloud can be kind of a look into each other's spiritual walk and gives each of us more of an idea how to pray for each other!

# August 6, 2009 7:58 AM

Shannon said:

Traci, Great comments.  I agree-- it takes real wisdom to know when a reserved hesitancy has slipped into pride.  Maybe this is only something that can be apparent to yourself, and of course, God.  

I think encouragement and fresh opportunities from group leaders are key.

# August 6, 2009 9:18 PM

Bill Bartmann said:

Excellent site, keep up the good work

# September 2, 2009 4:19 AM
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